Archive for January, 2007
Positive Remarks
18 January 2007The wife stands in front of a mirror.”you know, dear,” she says, “I look in
the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms”
She turns to her husband & says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel
better about myself.”
He says in a soft voice,”your eye […]
The Mysterious Language of Science
18 January 2007This list of phrases and their definitions is presented as a public
service, to help you understand the mysterious language of science. These
special phrases also appear in PhD dissertations and academic papers.
“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN…”
I didn’t look up the original reference.
“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT…”
These data are practically meaningless.
“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO […]
Weeweechu
18 January 2007One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean.
It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said “Hey baby, how about
playing Weeweechu.”
“Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon” said Jung Lee.
“Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and […]
New Shoes
18 January 2007A blonde was on vacation in the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay
the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Well then, maybe […]
It Don’t Cost Nuthin’ to be Nice
18 January 2007At a TouchDown Club meeting many years before his death, Coach Paul “Bear”
Bryant told the following story:
I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama and was off in my old car
down in South Alabama recruiting a prospect who was supposed to have been a
pretty good player and I was havin’ trouble finding […]
THE FUNNIES ON LIFE
18 January 2007My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
God, and I didn’t.
———————————————————————
Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
——————————————————————
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
———————————————————————–
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: Before
marriage and after marriage.
———————————————————————–
Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because […]
kidnap
18 January 2007A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to
kidnap a child for ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a
little boy, took him behind a tree, and wrote a note. “I have
kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money.
Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind […]
drink a lot
18 January 2007“Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me - I just can’t stop my hands
shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really - I spill most of it!”
A man walks into
18 January 2007A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
“We don’t need any one,” they replied.
“You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing.
”
“We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can
sell just one, you have a job.”
He was gone for about […]
Love (Yea right!)
18 January 2007Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one
another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one
asked how the other’s husband was doing.
“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage
for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in
the middle […]